Okay, so I am browsing for writing gigs, and I see one for ten dollars an hour, and it says:
“I am looking for someone to write a short story about a college kid who ends up growing to a height of two miles tall. Looking for a very detailed story that describes the process of growing to this massive size, how he is perceived from normal-sized people and how he affects them. Story should include everyday, normal functions of a person including his need to sleep, urinate, defecate, breathe, etc., and how these events are portrayed at such a scale as his through the eyes of witnesses and or best friend. “
Whoa Nellie! Let’s just look at some of the things that – apparently, this guy never thought of. LOL
1) No known material, and certainly not bone, could sustain the weight of a two mile tall human being.
2) No known muscle, of any type, even the strongest muscle in existence (the tail muscle of a humpback whale) could move any of the limbs on said two mile Titan.
3) My engineering fans would have a blast figuring out the pressure it would take to pump a heart that has to push blood up and down a two mile column . There actually is a formula for determining the pressure in a cylinder filled with fluid- it is called “Poisson’s Ratio” . It is the equation used to determine the strength of an erection, and the flexibility of an Artery, or Vein.
4) As he wants defecation, well, a fecal sample from a two mile tall human being would be in the area of several tons…and diarrhea well, would be a natural disaster.
5) If he spoke, there is little hope that anyone on the ground could hear him, as you can’t even hear jets five thousand feet above ground level, and he would be twice that.
6) Breathing would be a giant problem for him. LOL Pun intended. For, the air at 10,000 feet is only 40% less than it is down here. He would have to have lungs, that would make him have a chest close to a mile wide. In fact, from the waist up, he would have to be almost as wide, as he would be tall.
7) His stride would cover a mile with each step, and when running, maybe 7 miles to a stride- of course, if he ran full out, he would approach speeds near the speed of sound, and his skin and clothes would burst into flames from friction. LOL Not to mention the craters that a foot more than 1,400 feet in length (Yep, a foot is about a sixth, or a little more of the height of the person. So a six footer would have a foot about 13-15 inches or so long)
8. Dating is out.
9.Feeding is out.
10. Trying to sip a drink through a mile long straw, also out.
11. His internal heat would melt him. LOL Spontaneous combustion.
12. He would be a navigation menace, and his house and chairs would be the largest construction projects ever attempted.
13: His bedroom alone, would have to be more than four square miles, unless he wanted a King Size Bed. LOL
14: Last, but not least, no spoon known to man, could be lifted by him to eat mash potatoes. LOL Or any food, of any kind. At that height, one bite would be a block of food would be about seven hundred feet across, a mere morsel. And that would be for every bite. LOL
15: Sleeping would be out. H
I don’t think the guy who wants this written understands why Sci Fi guys don’t try to invent giants. LOL
So I send it to my friend who is an Expert on Human Physiology – and he sends me this neat note:
BTW: Great synopsis on all the issues facing a two-mile tall person. Someone did something similar (the engineering side) on the Godzilla movie and why a creature that size would be impossible (if I can find that article, I’ll send it along – maybe it was on the transformers movie). Anyway, fun thought experiments.
One of my colleagues here had a special semester-long seminar called the Physiology of Super Heroes. The students had to pick a super hero in the Marvel Universe and then try to come up with plausible physiological reasons (and outcomes) of their super powers. I had three students take the course and they loved it. It seems that they got to use their imagination in ways that our normal ‘sceintific’ approach to science doesn’t allow….
That led me to write this note back to him:
Great note back. I sent it to you, because I thought it would be a neat topic for your “Cool Science” seminars. For example, I think (not sure but it is one of the things I thought about) that if our 2 mile friend lay down to sleep, he would actually “drown” in the thick air at the surface. And another thought was his cellular heat , even standing still , would make him hotter than any fever. LOL
When I first read your note, I thought it said : “the psychology of Super Heroes.” (wasn’t wearing my glasses. LOL) And that intrigued me too! I mean, if you have some super power that makes you super…well, you would have to develop some kind of mind set that would allow your ego to take a back seat. Or , maybe that is why they all have alter ego’s, because how would normal people react to you? I mean for crying out loud, look how we treat celebrities. Can you imagine how many people would bother Superman? LOL Or hate him?
On your side of the fence, what would the genetic make up be? If it could be passed on, even if only the normal way, women would have to take a lottery ticket , and get in line to have sex with a Super Hero, hoping their kid would get those genes, and life would “drive” them to it. LOL People would “hate” super heroes for having something they don’t. Look at how we treat different folks who don’t have super powers , or just don’t look like us.
In fact, just thinking about it – I can see why Super Powered people would become Evil, or at least, anti social. Most of the good ones, would be hermits! I think, that over time, they would become the same type personalities as the Old Greek Gods: Pyschopaths, with rampant paranoia about what the other super powered people are doing. LOL
And then my friend sent me this response:
Now these are great blog thoughts! I like the idea of the ‘psychology of super heroes’ for all the issues you mention. You know, part of the premise of the X-Men comic books is the angst and alienation that so many teen-agers feel and that comes out in how America (as a whole) treats those Super Heroes. In fact, the fear of the good super heroes by the general population plays a large role in many of the story arcs (in fact, there’s one where Congress mandates that all Super Heroes are registered with the government so they can control them)…
There you go, a conversation started by a job offer, making a few folks go off on a great explore , or tangent to the price one would pay to have super powers! LOL And because of my friend Tim, we have a Blog today. Thanks Tim!