Very Rarely is there a movie which ends with two people saying: We only have a few moments left, lets make hot sweaty sex before we go.” The biological drive to reproduce is really strong. It doesn’t really care about a sense of humor, or intelligence, or kindness, it wants to reproduce. Scientists have called this: the selfish gene. It is called that, because life just wants more life. Period. However we are humans, and we want more than sex, we want love, and comfort, and intimacy. So, what side of sexuality are we on? Animals, with no care or worry about the outcomes of sex? Or humans , who feel a baby should be a product of a loving relationship, and sex is a way to bond. There isn’t any real answer. In your life, you are going to want to have sex with a lot more folks than you are going to want to make love with. At the higher levels of love, sex isn’t even necessary, and can even get in the way. So how do we find balance? Modern techniques have allowed for folks to have casual sex without fear of bringing a baby into the world. The baby is the only one that doesn’t have a choice. People do. Alcohol, drugs, emotions, situations, and economics all drive , well, our sex drive. Love, very rarely does. When you throw our religious, or cultural conditioning into the mix, well moral judgements fly like arrows in a medieval battle. Negative words like, slut, and whore, and tramp, we label women with. Yet it is those same activities that we want women to be for us. Most of us, when young, picked up the real message about sex from our Churches: “Sex is dirty, disgusting, and immoral, save it for someone you love.”
Feminists have a ball (no pun intended) pointing out that almost all the negative words, only apply to women having sex outside the normal cultural boundaries. In fact, it has only been in the last few years that we have even acknowledged that women can enjoy their bodies, as much as we do. Pleasure is there for the taking. Yet, we have made men who have multiple partners , well, romantic figures, while we label a woman who likes men, well, all kinds of labels. It is a paradox. An enigma. A puzzle. Human sexuality is all bound up in so many rules, that the animal parts get twisted and frenzied trying to just be natural.
So, what’s love got to do with it? Everything. If you are in love, sex is a wonderful way to share, to bond, to become intimate. Truly intimate, to the point that when you are scared, or want to share your happiness, a single name pops into your mind. That is intimacy. Sex, is private. But, it can become intimate. As the old song goes : “…birds do it, bees do it, squirrels do it….even we do it!” If you are having sex, stay safe from disease and unwanted pregnancy. If you are making love, well, keep it up! LOL
The person who can figure out sex in America, hasn’t been born yet. We live in a country, where we can show a soldier dying in real time, talking to his wife, and watch it over and over again for nothing more than prurient interest, a salve for our lack of empathy. Yet, if a wardrobe malfunction happens in the Super Bowl, to a Super star, millions of self righteous outraged folks scream about seeing a nipple. What a strange and terrifying message. Watching people die, and the agony and grief of their loved ones, helps pass our time, in real time, but a breast? God forbid we should see one of those, how disgusting. I hope you have experienced good sex , and even great sex. I hope even more dearly, that you have experienced love, and hopefully, a great love. Most of us have only had a few true loves in our lives, in fact, you are lucky if you even found one true love, let alone lucky enough to have loved more than once. Sex, well, most of us have had several partners, and even more in our fantasies. Sexual fantasies have multiple players in them, over time. Love fantasies , well they have one. Your true love.
When you die, you will ask for those you Love, not for those you had hot sexy times with. Even if the one you love, is the one you had the best sex of your life with, at the end of it all, you just want to talk, to hold hands, to be near. Sex, gets in the way at the important moments. So have fun with sex, and enjoy it, realizing that it is just one aspect of your love, and not your love itself. Smiles Kevin who has had both sex and love, and has more love than sex, and that is okay with me. By the way, I know lots of folks over sixty, who are tired of sex…period. Funnily enough, I once talked to a beautiful woman, who was only twenty two at the time, and she hates how sexy she looks. As she told me: “When you have a body and face like mine, you run into the Jessica Rabbit complex: “I am not bad, I am just drawn that way.” I am tired of never knowing if they even like me, or if it is just my body and face they want.” I think you can hear it in her statement, she is looking for love, not sex. If you can understand that, you are becoming fully human. Humans fall in love. They always have. They always will. And love is no respecter of gender, age, or social rules. People fall in love, not clocks – so age is irrelevant, so is gender. If two people are in love, there is love. If they also have sex, so what? The cool thing about love, is it is so personal, that sometimes, only you and your true love exist, and sometimes it is even down to just one. LOL